Annuda Joke!!!

[ProphetSix]

The New Priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper He said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as "Mary with the Cherry".
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

[SoBeiT]

Classic..never fails for a good laugh :)

[Airlea]

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for
the evening. They turned on a night light, turned
the answering machine on the phone line, covered
their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
They phoned the local cab company and requested
a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the
front door to leave their house. The cat they had put
out into the yard scoots back into the house.

They don't want the cat shut in the house because
"she" always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out
to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat.
The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. The wife
doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty.
She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be
out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to
my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long," he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding
under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get
her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to
keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her
fat ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!"

The cabdriver hit a parked car...

:lol:

~Airlea~ Meow

[SoBeiT]

hahahaha..a needed morning laugh, thanks :)

[ProphetSix]

:lol: Lol!!!

Ok, here's one that I need to type out myself.

Cab Driver

(yes another cab one :D )

A man walks out of his hotel after a weekend of conferences, ready to fly back home. Looking at his watch, he realizes he lingered too long packing and quickly flags down a taxi. The cab driver pulls over, gets out and starts loading the man's luggage.

"Listen," the man says. "Can you get me to the airport fast? I don't want to miss my flight." The cabbie says it's no problem, so they both get in and he starts driving to the airport.

Weaving through some medium traffic, they come to a red light. Cursing to himself, the man looks at his watch again, and before he knows it, the taxi driver blows right through the red light and keeps on driving. Looking back to make sure he saw right, the man sees the red light and tells the driver, "You know you just ran a red light?" The driver looks in the rearview mirror, "Yeah, it's ok..don't worry, I do this all the time. I'll get you there quickly."

Not feeling reassured, the guy shrugs it off, when they come to a second stoplight. Again, the light is red and again, the taxi driver blows right through it. Panicking a bit more, the businessman looks at the driver, "Look, I'm sure you do this all the time and aren't worried, but would you please stop at the next red light? I'd like to make it to the airport in one piece." The driver nods and smiles, and keeps on driving.

Anxiously watching ahead of him, the man sees the next stoplight and breathes a sigh of relief to see that it's green. Leaning back relaxing a little, he's suddenly shocked to see that the driver stopped immediately before going through.

Mouth gaping in disbelief, the businessman looks at the driver and says, "You know that we have a green light, right? You can go right through it!!"

Looking back, the driver replies, "Yes, but you never know when my brother is going to drive through."

:D